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  1. Professor Fischstörer (theoutrider@mastodon.social)'s status on Thursday, 11-Jul-2019 23:38:24 EDT Professor Fischstörer Professor Fischstörer

    @matt https://www.theonion.com/fuck-everything-were-doing-five-blades-1819584036 a reminder of when The Onion were literal prophets of the future

    In conversation Thursday, 11-Jul-2019 23:38:24 EDT from mastodon.social permalink

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    1. Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades
      from The Onion
      Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of shaving in this country. The Gillette Mach3 was the razor to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-blade razor. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That's three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I'm telling you what happened—the bastards went to four blades. Now we're standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we're the chumps. Well, fuck it. We're going to five blades.
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