Notices by Nolan (nolan@mastodon.social)

magazines: hey maybe resubscribe? here's a little card
internet: are you *blocking ads*? let me explain all your moral failings

FACT: thousands of years of human effort are wasted every day by people googling ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and copying and pasting it

black friday commemorates the day Jesus came to the merchants and moneylenders at the temple and said "hell yeah I gotta get me a new 4K monitor"

In my day, memes were shared by a mule that traveled from town to town

if you hold Mastodon up to your ear, you can hear a coyote spinning

my all-time favorite pokemon https://mastodon.social/media/8_ChHTtgH04D-NxxEXs

*explaining the 90s to my kids*

The Tamagotchi was an early version of Twitter. It was a little egg that would nag you with notifications until you gave it attention

Uh oh looks like another big Twitter wave is coming *grabs surfboard*

"When the moon is in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligns with Mars, the Copernicus space probe will pass through high orbit of both celestial bodies"
ME: this is the weirdest NASA announcement I've ever seen

can't wait for Twitter to make themselves Mastodon-compatible so we can block their instance

mom: hey son I joined this new Mastodon thing
me: oh shit mom, I coulda helped you find a server, which one did you choose?
mom: well I liked the privacy policy on satanic.bikerladi.es but then communist.blaze.party had the shortest ping latency so

As you settle into Mastodon, be sure to learn the lingo:
- "toot": a tweet
- "tusking": starting a pointless fight with another user
- "woolly": going viral, as in "wow, that toot really went woolly"
- "extinction event": when a whole instance goes down