@laceynwilliams When I left college in the 1990s and was looking for a job I joined a job club (not sure if those even still exist) and met a few people who were in a sort of zombified psychological condition where they had been following some civil service or bigcorp career and had invested their whole identity in that but then had suddenly and unexpectedly been made redundant. It was sad to see, so I learned that lesson of not making work your whole identity vicariously and early on.

I think you're doing the right thing with hobbies and so on. Whenever I've been employed I've always had the constant expectation that redundancies are going to be announced next week, because it has been a constant feature of my working life. Technology companies are inherently ephemeral. Not many last longer than a few years.

Also internalized oppression and fear of unemployment is a form of social control in the workplace. Try to recognize it for what it is, rather than blaming yourself for falling short of whatever the boss happens to be currently demanding.