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from The Onion
MENLO PARK, CA—In an effort to demonstrate the social media platform’s total commitment to profits, Mark Zuckerberg took to his personal Facebook page Thursday to promise that the company’s misuse of personal data will, as of now, happen again and again. “We have a responsibility to our users, and if we can’t repeatedly betray your trust and sell your private information to the highest bidder, then we don’t deserve to serve you,” said Zuckerberg in his first public statement on the matter, adding that users should feel confident that the social network would do everything in its power to exploit them, through both third-party applications and partnerships with shadowy marketing firms willing to pay any price Facebook asks. “In 2013, a Cambridge University researcher named Alexandr Kogan stole personal data through a personality quiz, and since then, we’ve worked tirelessly to ensure it can be distributed everywhere, for as long as we exist. I invented Facebook, and at the end of the day, I’m solely responsible for what information is regularly released to unknown, unauthorized sources on this platform.” According to reports, Zuckerberg then announced that Facebook would soon be adding new privacy tools to provide users with the false sense that they had any control.
Dr. Roy Schestowitz (罗伊)
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