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1. It's a me (feld@bikeshed.party)'s status on Monday, 16-Apr-2018 09:12:44 EDT It's a me
   this is getting out of hand. don't you idiots know of the "apropos" command ?
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   1. kaniini (kaniini@pleroma.dereferenced.org)'s status on Monday, 16-Apr-2018 09:24:47 EDT kaniini

      in reply to
      @feld
      
      I was dropping acid and reading "Hacker" "News" in my office at Spamly, the latest Silicon Valley unicorn, when a call came in via SlackDiscordMatterMost, a recently created corporate communications conglomerate.
      
      It was the CEO. "Bad news, devs. We've got a situation."
      
      "What? Is Brendan Eich trying to oppress the gays again?"
      
      "Worse. I don't know which command is necessary to cover up the millions of dollars I stole from these venture capitalists. They're going to be pissed when they find out the money is gone."
      
      "Well, you could try reading a man page..."
      
      "WHAT GOOD IS THAT GOING TO DO ME?! I NEED A SYSTEM TO TELL ME WHAT MAN PAGE IS RELEVANT. AND IT NEEDS TO BE WEB SCALE BECAUSE I NEED TO DO THIS A LOT," the CEO yelled.
      
      "What about apro..."
      
      "I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS AND I DON'T CARE, IT'S NOT FUCKING WEB SCALE. I NEED A SOLUTION, PEOPLE, AND I NEED ONE NOW, OR WE'RE ALL OUT ON THE STREET!"
      
      "Well, we could write a tool using ElasticSearch to find the necessary man page you're looking for... I could write a rails application, but I will need at least 10 servers for the ElasticSearch cluster so we can ensure maximum uptime of this mission critical service."
      
      "LOOK, YOU HAVE A BLANK CHECK TO DO WHAT YOU'VE GOT TO DO. JUST GET IT DONE."
      
      And with that, the CEO disconnected the call, the developer wrote a blog post about the system and started circulating their resume as to have a new job lined up at the next unicorn.