in my experience talking with or asking users about a feature before rolling it out is noooooot that common. why? i guess it varies.
for commercial projects they may not want to give away what they're up to before they do it bc competitors, stealing your own thunder etc
in free software i'm less sure. i think it's because asking people stuff and doing it well is kind of hard, and you're not guaranteed a definitive answer even. that and it's not writing software (not fun)