bailey//rockruff⚪
tbh i think too many people still hold every interaction to some sort of binary rules list where everything is either right or wrong. we don't really seem to have a good grasp on context and a lot of us are way too keen on jumping into conversations that don't concern us, to throw around our opinions or manipulate one side into catering more to our comfort levels.
we keep blaming any problems in the fediverse on all parties involved, even victims.
bailey//rockruff⚪
i think the big problem with yesterday was that other people got involved with a conversation when it was clearly unneeded.
all these people hopping in to say "why don't you just stop posting/walk away/mute/block each other?" did not seem to grasp that their very presence was making this problem even bigger. they could've privately asked if there was anything they could do, or muted/blocked the parties involved, but asking someone to stop talking?
bailey//rockruff⚪
it was like the needs of the onlookers were more important than the immediate needs of:
1) the person being yelled at, manipulated, and trying to defend himself (a thing we all need to be allowed to do)
2) the person who was lashing out, who could've probably used some friends/etc talking to her to de-escalate
instead we had a situation where everyone jumped on the OP for not catering to the bad behaviour, and saying some very manipulative stuff
bailey//rockruff⚪
it is important in a situation like this to step back, assess whether your interaction with the situation is solicited or not, assess whether you're going to help or just turn it all into a bigger problem, and above all, offer to help de-escalate PRIVATELY so it doesn't become a big public spectacle encouraging everyone to join in and throw around their weight
bailey//rockruff⚪
would it have been hard to ask either party via mention/DM if they need anything? would it be hard to refrain from silencing tactics and pointing fingers and instead consider the feelings of both parties rather than everyone injecting themselves?
not really, no, but it seems like yesterday's event was more about defamation and protecting self interest than actually trying to help.
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