going to the doctor in a couple of hours because I've had a bad weekend/week/however long and now I'm feeling guilty because I don't feel that bad this morning and will always probably be ~fine~ and I'm taking up a slot someone needs more than me. on some level I know I've only managed to call them simply because I don't feel as bad. also very aware that there's extremely little real help for folks in my current condition. also I hate taking pills, side effects and remembering are hard.