@detectivehyde @ihavebigtits I guess you could say that I learned firsthand about the different stages you've mentioned, and how I am today is a drastic response to once being that way inclined. Growing up, I learned to hate myself, to see destruction in humanity and to feel helpless with my role in that. I learned to be a socialist. Blamed capitalism for the above and brought into the idea of greed and money. To put the needs of others first, to keep sacrificing myself. But in doing so, I became self-destructive, and more detached from myself to cope. I am grateful that I didn't fall victim to feminism/identity politics like I could have easily slipped into these days despite having some identity issues still.
But in order to cope with my insanity, I decided to ground myself in reality. I put certain language aside until I was better able to cope again. I've learned that I need to start listening to myself, to put my needs first. I'm not so good at putting this into practice... it's a work in progress to be able to identify what I need or feel in a given moment or to ask for the support I need. Perhaps one of my biggest changes is my consistent hope in humanity, that I will keep trying some things even if I've failed at them. I've also realised that I have a passion for beauty and nature... and for humanity and life. I really need to practice these more to remind myself of my passions.