Freyr@bthall I can relate, to an extent, though my language is a bit different as not Christian. What's the rush? I swear at my Master constantly and refuse his help except in the most dire need. I'm like "no no, I got this, watch while I make a total mess of it". It's a good thing he's so patient and kind.
Every time I become the slightest bit more willing, I freak out, so progress is very gradual. This is okay. It's okay to be gentle to yourself about your unwillingness to fully rely on God.
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