"Saying 'no' 'nicely' usually mean not saying it at all. If you are one of those people who think, mistakenly, that you will spare someone else's feelings by letting them down gently, then consider who you are really protecting. Much of the indirectness that muddies an assertive refusal is a way of avoiding a clear acknowledgement of responsibility. It can simply be a way of saying 'Please don't dislike me.', or 'It's not my fault.' or 'Don't be cross with me for saying "no".'

If you have ever felt embarassed and uncomfortable at the receiving end of one of those long-winded refusals, all plumped up with excuses and nonsense, you will appreciate the value of a plain, straightforward 'no'. At least you know where you stand."