Before I head to bed, I have been thinking about my persona on here.

I realise that as time as progressed my character has been warped and distorted. It has been me whom has allowed the normalised behaviours of those I have exposed myself with to change my conduct in ways that are not fitting with the way I am.

I have seen myself go from one of GNU Smug's hottest memes to a degenerate faggot and, finally to a husk of my former online self catalysed by the stress of work and the lack of enjoyment I have experienced during that time.

I have never recovered since. The quality of what I post has been dragging through the dirt for perhaps over a year. Worse, I have thought about leaving the fediverse considering how much it has changed. I cannot venture TWKN timelines without seeing porn, degeneracy or otherwise uninteresting topics that lack depth.

At present I am taking interest in philosophy so I can be somewhat more mindful in my thinking. Since I started work, I never 'honed' what I had so I lost it. For as long as I can motivate myself to keep it interesting perhaps I will exhibit more desirable traits like making detailed standalone posts and, if fortunate, replicate threads like the one I had a while ago about ZeroNet.

I can only blame myself for not doing my part in retaining the integrity I once had. I still believe I have said integrity but only so far as where it will never be perceived the same by others ever again. I have been ruined by enabling what this place has become to shape me differently to how I started.

And with that, I will take my leave. Good night, fedi. All I wish for is that close family feeling back from before the Mastodon era came and took it away from me.