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PRESCOTT, AZ—Noting that it had been weeks since they lent the boy out, homeowner Thomas Simmons publicly stated his annoyance Wednesday that his neighbors failed to return the son they borrowed to do some work around their house. “I’m sure the time just got away from the Millers, or maybe they kept finding more for him to do, but I’d like my son Koby back one of these days,” said Simmons, who claimed he tried dropping hints as to how he needed the 12-year-old returned, but that the neighbors seemed oblivious or quickly changed the subject. “Every time I see Frank and Joyce in their driveway, they avoid eye contact and hurry off as if they didn’t ask to borrow our son weeks ago to do some chores. Koby has a birthday soon, and we can’t really celebrate without him. Plus, our lawn is becoming pretty overgrown. I don’t mean to butt into someone else’s business. But honestly, I think it’s time the Millers got their own boy.” Neighborhood sources confirmed that tensions between the families were nearly as high as they were in April of 2016, when the Millers borrowed Simmons’ wife for three weeks and returned her in terrible condition.
The Onion
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