@zardoz good point. I've started using #Jabber again recently, as well as #Matrix, and I find I can't help using them like the fediverse, a web forum, or a mailing list, rather than a realtime channel. I think the solution is tools that integrate delayed and realtime interactions. So the default is, say, a fediverse app, but there is a way to see when someone else is online, and launch a realtime chat with them.