Notices by Press 'F' for 'Ferret' (ferretsyndicate@radical.town)

I'm absolutely dying:

Good morning:

*30 minutes later*

[COMMUNIST]: *wearing raspberry jelly like war paint* "ur reactionary views will no longer destroy this cake!!"

[ANARCHIST]: *tied to the kitchen table with cooking twine like a damsel in distress on railroad tracks* "Set me free!!"

[AUDIENCE MEMBER]: "I don't understand...it seems like you both want to make a cake. Why not work tog--"

[COMMUNIST AND ANARCHIST IN UNISON]: "NO ONE WAS TALKING TO U, U FUCKING LIBERAL!!!"

*5 minutes later*

[COMMUNIST]: *throwing a rolling pin* "U WOULDN'T KNOW A GOOD CAKE IF MARX HIMSELF HANDED IT TO U!!"

[ANARCHIST, WEARING A COLLANDER AS A HELMET]: *ducks* "OH, LOOK! THEY'RE USING THE VIOLENCE OF THE STATE AGAINST ME!!!"

[THE AUDIENCE]: *starting to not like either of these people*

[ANARCHIST AND COMMUNIST BAKING SHOW]:

[COMMUNIST]: "Now...when baking the *perfect* cake, you wanna make sure u have all your ducks in a row: all your tools and ingredients ready at your disposal, and complete mastery over your kitchen..."

[ANARCHIST]: "...Although, sometimes, it's ok to improvise--because what actually matters in a cake is how good it tastes; so we wanna focus on the process of building it...*from the ground up*..."

*Each exchange passive aggressive looks, gritting their teeth while smiling*

I don't think a lot of people comprehend how much a billion of something is:

The best thing about America is anyone can make something of themselves here if their dad worked real hard during a previous period of brief, limited upward mobility in the past and then evaded taxes to pass their wealth to me, their failson.

My bb boiz play the gatekeeper game every morning at 5am--they will not let me leave w/o a fight:

Surfs up bitcj.

Nestor has become self-aware:

(Good morning)

Sweepy bb Max:

Pretty crazy how I loan my employer my labor for a week before payday and they don't pay me interest. Absolute bullshit.

And his fans. Oh boy, they're bad too:

Good afternoon:

Good morning, welcome back to hellworld:

Spoony boiz:

Good morning:

The entertainment that never ends:

Wow, good to know Sonic, ty:

[FACEBOOK, YOUTUBE, AND TWITTER]: "Listen, we can't be held--" *takes down a video for using a popular song per a major label request* "--responsible for our users' content, we're--" *takes down unauthorized use of a clip of a TV show* "--not publishers, we're a platform for communication--" *takes down a streaming movie for copyright infringement* "--we can't be expected to take action every time someone uses our service--" *works with the police to provide info on its users* "--for nefarious purposes..."