Notices by Sam the Octopus (troublemoney@computerfairi.es), page 20

@mavica that typeface looks exactly right on them

neighbors wanted a hedgehog house

so I built them a hedgehog house

Cleaning out one of the hedgehog cafes and discovered one of them managed to shit half way up the wall

Like, full on shit, hanging on the side of the wall

HOW?!

THEIR LITTLE HEDGIE BUTTS DON'T EVEN GO THAT HIGH!

I ASK AGAIN, HOW?!

@penguin42 I'm talking about all the people breaking lockdown orders despite knowing that they can easily get the virus and pass it on to everyone they know

You know all those sci-fi/horror movies where the entire thing only happens because one moron doesn't follow proper quarantine protocols despite knowing a containment breach could end the goddamn world?

Yeah, I'm no longer listing that as a plot hole

Holy crap they're actually selling these

This is the Piaget Altiplano Ultimate Concept

It was a concept watch unveiled in 2018 but now they're selling them

Extremely small-scale production, like 3 per year

It's the world's thinnest watch at 2mm thick

Yeah, just 2mm

@Nine "and I don't buy it"

EYYYYYYYY! :paw_fx90_point_right: :paw_fx90_point_right:

Aw hell yeah

NEW LANGES

Does anyone want to buy a kidney? 'cause I am loving this Odysseus in white gold with a rubber strap

Please don't ask where the kidney came from

apparently the EDL and stephen yaxley-lennon have been banned from tiktok

I have no idea what they were doing on tiktok

were they trying to make sieg heiling the hot new dance craze?

fuck knows

but they're banned now

Cartier have been putting in some work

They've got the new Maillon de Cartier line which we already knew about (and look fantastic)

Six models of the Tank Asymetrique, three of which are skeletonised

Seven new models of the Santos-Dumont, 4 of which are limited editions

A relaunch of the Pasha

And a new Santos de Cartier in all black DLC

They are not messing around this year

Okay, I thought nothing could surprise me any more but nope, there it is

@mavica that's a super good looking typewriter right there

@djsundog "it's in t minus 20 seconds"

"why are you shortening my tea break by 20 seconds?"

first off, this is fediverse-only so keep schtum, don't want this spreading to the muggles

With bags of flour in shops being a distant memory, here's a tip

Get bags of oats. I know this sounds like a fedi meme but seriously, oats

Put 'em in a food processor/blender/mortar and pestle/rub 'em between two rocks and you get oat flour

You can use that to bake stuff

It's also gluten-free if that matters to you

here's three of them!

two in the cafe, one trying to get in

our neighbours spotted 5 hedgehogs all at the same time in our garden!

FIVE!

🦔 🦔 🦔 🦔 🦔

Azathoth runs a jazz night at a local club and would love for you to come down and check it out

headcanon: lovecraft's ridiculous xenophobia coloured all his descriptions of the old ones

they're actually pretty chill

c'thulhu bakes cookies for the neighbourhood, dagon enjoys fishing, and hastur crochets little hats for all the little shoggoths

imagine going to the past and saying "in 2020 the biggest video game will hinge upon selling turnips"