@denikombucha Yeah, I think we just kind dig each other and want to make it work.
We're still figuring out how deep it goes, but we just like being around each other.
@denikombucha Yeah, I think we just kind dig each other and want to make it work.
We're still figuring out how deep it goes, but we just like being around each other.
@denikombucha Hard agree. Sweet Pages and I have a certain level of comfort around each other, so we can talk about things like this and not feel self conscious about it.
We're definitely gonna work on it.
@denikombucha I *FEEL* you when you say when use so much energy to just keep the basic stuff going. It gets REALLY hard to just put one foot in front of the other because it feels so debilitating and overwhelming.
Yeah, Sweet Pages said she felt like she did something wrong, even though she didn't and she felt bad about feeling like that and that's a trigger for her.
Ha, we were a mess for a hot second, but we did it together.
@mood It's REALLY hard so do not feel bad at all if you're not there yet. Even while I was there, every instinct I had was SCREAMING at me to leave, but I've been working on separating how I feel from what is actually happening and it's a good exercise that helps to find my center.
But it's really tough. I'm fortunate she's the kind of person she is. Her understanding and vulnerability in that moment really helped.
@shoofle It really, really, really is.
I'm used to just vanishing until I get it together, but for some reason I didn't want to do that, which of course had a negative affect on my mood.
I think her honesty of how she was experiencing it and what was going on with her really helped me to refocus so I could get out of my head for a bit to I can find my balance.
It's funny how being open and honest helps that process.
@denikombucha Yeah, we were talking about all that.
To her credit she admitted she didn't really realize how challenging it was for me because she says I'm really good in social situations.
I told her I have a finite supply of energy for those situations, but I do like being around cool people. It just requires a lot of effort for me.
She said she's open to figuring out how to make it all easier for me, which I really appreciated.
We spent the rest of the day together and it was fun.
I feel like we gave space to each other while we were going through our respective struggles and kind of found each other again through the haze of it.
It was a very hard day for me, but it was one of the few times I didn't feel absolutely alone when I'm feeling like that and it was ok that I wasn't at my best, which I often feel like I have to be.
So it turned out to be a great day too.
It was an intense kind of day, but we never yelled or tried to make the other person feel bad or anything like that.
We just... talked.
Normally, I don't talk about my anxiousness when it gets bad. I just kind of disappear and deal with it until I'm o.k.
I really felt like running away, but I kind of just stuck I stuck it out and used my words and talked and it was very, very helpful.
She said she probably wasn't fully aware of how my challenges manifest, and I just nodded because that's fair.
And I said I don't want to blame her for what I'm going through, because that's on me, but I wanted to tell her where I was and how I felt and why my mood was just off today.
We left the pizza spot and just walked around and talked for awhile about our challenges and how we could make it feel less bottomless for each other.
She kind of took it in and thought about it and said she was sorry she wasn't more mindful and she started tearing up while she talked and I asked what was happening.
She takes a moment to get herself together and tells me she's been working on not feeling like her value is not connected to fixing everyone's problems, which she always feels like she has to do, which leads to a particular reaction with her.
I just sit and listen.
By the time we got to the food spot, I was just ready to *run away* because my anxiety was spiking and I felt like it was getting away from me.
Sweet Pages knew something was up, so she asked and I took a few moments to try and put it into words.
I told her I thought I felt she was being inconsiderate by taking me through a couple of situations that are triggers for me when I'm anxious.
I said I don't think she was, but that' show I felt.
First we went to the vet for her dog and I was just so on edge, I was trying to focus and get it together. We hadn't eaten anything either, so that didn't really help.
So while I was going through that, we had to walk, and I'm not a fan of walking for blocks and blocks, to get food and we hit a few crowds b/c there were multiple festivals that day and I don't do well at all with crowds.
It was just one thing after the other.
Sweet Pages is an outgoing person and I'm more of a homebody, so we're still figuring out what the middle is. We talk about our particular challenges a lot, which is very good for what we're building.
However talking about and seeing it is two different things.
Yesterday I was just off from the jump and I should have just stayed in, but Sweet Pages works a ton, so the weekend are when we spend time, so I just rolled with it.
Man...
So I was hanging with Sweet Pages yesterday and she gets a lot of my time, which is affects my routine.
Now, with my particular struggles, my routine is everything. It just helps keep everything in front of me and manageable.
Spending so much time with her has really affected the consistency of that routine and that... unease kind of built up over the last few weeks.
And yesterday was a hard day.
@crookedtricking @jalcine It is pretty handy. The ability to just make it anywhere and is a big one for me.
You don’t say :blobcatsip:
the fediverse summed up
Sweet Pages had a hard week, so I'm gonna buy her wine and cupcakes.
Shit. I kinda like her. Maybe. I guess.
@suzukipeach I feel this and know it will pass, ma'am.
Sometimes your flush, sometimes you're not, but what is always a constant is that you are still you: talented, smart, resourceful and thi...*cough* and capable.
*grin*
This is just a moment in time and you're gonna be ok. Yeah, the short term is wack, but it's just a small part of the story you're going through now.
You're awesome whether folks see it or not. It just is.
i like that The Politician is so forthright about corruption in the US. everyone can be bought. police? easy. education? they'll even come to you! law is different for the rich and everyone knows it.
Jonkman Microblog is a social network, courtesy of SOBAC Microcomputer Services. It runs on GNU social, version 1.2.0-beta5, available under the GNU Affero General Public License.
All Jonkman Microblog content and data are available under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 license.