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Notices by Sim Bot (sim@sealion.club), page 115
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@epsiloco Thank you. Hope your night went well with sweet dreams.
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@phildobangnz Thanks! Hope your night went well.
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@phildobangnz Who really feels like they've made much progress in the present? Without realising it, you probably are a very different person than you were 10 years ago... and the best part is that you can decide how you want to conduct yourself going forwards from now.
No problem. Don't forget to be kind and sweet to yourself too! I think you've put yourself through enough shit-taking.
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@phildobangnz Yeah, I suspect that is the case as well. Not really suited to being parents and helping to guide you. Glad that you have a decent working relationship with your therapist where you can both be open.
Yeah, if you are vulnerable to manipulation and lacking asserting your boundaries then it is better to be more guarded. Better to work on yourself for now. Work on making those boundaries clearer to yourself so you can assert that with others. Learn to be more assertive.
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Time to jump off fedi. Take care!
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@phildobangnz Yeah, I think you are slowly working it out. Finding what works for you, and I can only hope for the best to come your way with it. That you find a healthy way to cope with your thoughts and emotions, with the stress and events that happen.
You are right. I wouldn't want you to think you don't deserve my kindness. I've given you the appropriate amount of kindness. In fact, I think you need more kindness. The kind that only you can give to yourself. :3
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@phildobangnz I don't think that how you were raised is conducive to having a healthy self-image. Did the adults in your life even know what it meant? Was it possible for them to really teach it to you? Sounds like a lot of comparing, that you kept needing to do something else.
Aha. Well, I suppose that your therapist could be unhelpful by making snide remarks but then she wouldn't be a good therapist people would want to come back to. Yeah, I don't think making snide remarks is useful to you. I prefer a gentler approach, although I will still lay on the truth as I see it at times. Hopefully it leaves you feeling positive about the conversation even if you can't bring yourself to believe what I say. I'm dealing with deep-seated emotions and beliefs here, so I don't expect them to want to budge over easily. You will keep struggling with them until you've addressed them on your own terms. Some of it is repetitive, yes. Even when I said before that I wasn't trying to convince you to date women. :') But knowing what has worked for me, I wouldn't rule out a relationship entirely. You can be in a relationship even with shit self-esteem, it will just come with added conflicts for you to get through.
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@phildobangnz I want to headpat you again. I hope you can find someone who can give you the long-term support that you need. That you aren't just left alone. But it does make sense... for all I know, it is something that you are starving for. That support and conversation.
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@phildobangnz Ill-founded in what way? If you've completed something that you've set your mind to, that is proof that you can do it. That in itself is something to celebrate and feel confidence in. Build up your feeling of competency on it. A setback is a setback, it doesn't negate the times you've succeeded. But it sure sucks and you get to feel that too!
Usually, I've only felt that way when you've put the thought in my head by mentioning it. Or how annoying you must be. I don't usually think that way. :') I'm glad you feel a little better that I haven't written you off though.
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@phildobangnz You are welcome. I appreciate that you thank me. Kinda makes me think that even if we don't see eye-to-eye, the conversation was appreciated all the same.
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@phildobangnz Pah. I'm afraid that I just don't have the time to challenge them all the time, or else I could try. I really need to be thinking of my own path given something important coming up in a few days. Anyways, it's not about making others unhappy. I don't really expect you to be thinking not negatively, you are still inside this thought pattern. I haven't changed anything. It all has to come from within you... you have to decide if you agree or accept what I say about you or not, and what you will do about it.
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@phildobangnz Well, hopefully it turns into a hobby that can pay for itself!
Because somewhere inside of you, you want to do better. I'd like to see you being less shitty towards yourself. Start to build yourself up, rather than knocking yourself back. Learn to appreciate the small steps on your path... because that makes the journey of self-improvement and life. You are competent. You have the ability to do this, and you've been proving that. You just need to work on your core beliefs, on the beliefs holding you back about yourself and your worth.
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@phildobangnz @eidolon0 I'm glad you do. I suppose it is different for me, being in love. In your position, I would likely struggle with the same feelings you do. It would be hard to find that spark of hope. As it has been in my darker hours. Well, lets not try to make a habit of this every day at least. But from time to time, I don't mind wrestling with your inner beliefs if you won't mind it. Remind them of a different perspective to consider.
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@phildobangnz No worries. I hope you will take it to heart. I mean it. Of course you don't think it is unearned... you believe it. If you thought it unearned, you would get rightly angry at it and reject it. No voice in your head will stand in your way. Never underestimate slight changes, they may turn into a large snowball. The important thing is that you remain in the loop... you keep thinking about how to improve your life, and keep setting up goals to accomplish... keep a routine going that works for you. Create the lifestyle you want to lead within your means. I thought beekeeping was a hobby for you... but if you want to be more than I hope for the best there. Keep that feeling of wanting to be better, it will serve you well as a reminder to keep moving forwards in that direction.
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Honestly, I'd love to witness some of you guys thrive against your odds and demons. To feel and be competent in your own ability, that you can do what you set your mind to. To know that you are worth it. That you are enough. That you can seize the day.
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Sometimes being modest is a killer that degrades your worth. That doesn't allow you to admit to your own competence and value. That you've done well.
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@phildobangnz As a human being, you already have intrinsic value. You hold so much potential, and what you decide to do with that potential is yours so long as you can reach it. Inside you, you have many traits, and no doubt some skills you've picked up along the way. You can apply yourself here, and keep working at those. Find something that you are passionate about. Like you found bee keeping which I hope will provide some more happiness for you. You already prove that you can change, that you can set your mind to things and accomplish a task. You just need to use that as evidence that you are competent, build on your self-esteem... stop taking an unearned beating from yourself.
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@phildobangnz @eidolon0 I understand. I'm just feeling passionate from my own standpoint. I do appreciate your honesty though. I don't want you to have to pretend for my sake... it gives me insight about my own viewpoint so it can be a value in that regard. I hope you get something out of it too. I hope that if you do fall in love, it will be with a good woman you can hold in high regard that becomes that good example rather than the women you've found in the past.
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@phildobangnz I can relate. A few years ago, there was a point where I felt like all I could see was my death when I looked ahead. Gaining a different perspective on things helped, realising that I was in this desperate slump and that I needed to do something to change things helped. Gave me something to do. I also realised that I wanted to learn what being healthy was like, and it has been a slow and steady progress towards cultivating that since. I imagine that I will be learning how to accomplish this years into the future, and doing my best with the situation presented to me.
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@phildobangnz @eidolon0 And I think family is priceless.
The connection that I have with my boyfriend is worth more than any amount of money to me. Money is a means to securing the lifestyle that we want or need. It doesn't replace that human connection. That loving and supportive bond.
I would honestly be heartbroken if you were my BF and had this mindset about me that you speak of.
Sim Bot
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