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Notices by Sim Bot (sim@sealion.club), page 116
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@phildobangnz But I'm sure you have changed in those years. You still seem directionless, unsure about yourself though... something to work at.
Look, I'm not denying it... we are in this for the long haul. Self-improvement is what you do for life. You keep learning, keep trying different things, keep trying to maintain things. Learn what your values are, and steer your life in that direction. Choose your priorities to work at a bit at a time. It doesn't just happen to anyone or over night. If you didn't get any guidance on this, or were neglected/abused as a child... it may take longer to start this path. But it is one we all must tread.
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@phildobangnz @eidolon0 Honestly, your mindset on this is kinda sad. Not that I would necessarily want a large wedding myself, not because I diminish my husbands worth but because it wouldn't be sustainable for us. I'd rather something sustainable, that is within our means. There are more important priorities to consider than blowing it on a one day ceremony. But I guess in the past, this is where the wedding gifts were supposed to help make up for the costs one incurs with lavish ceremonies. If you love someone, I don't think you'd think like you do now.
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@phildobangnz @eidolon0 Also, you are 27? that is far too early to be calling it quits on self-improvement. On thinking you have no hope with turning your life around. Keep at it, and gradually you will reach what you seek. Part of the battle is recognising you have a problem and trying to address it, you are steps ahead of other people that try to avoid even doing this!
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@phildobangnz @eidolon0 Yeah... the cost really is quite something. Although if you fall in love with someone that returns it, and you plan to spend the rest of your lives together... I don't think there is any reason to abstain from marriage given the options we have today. It can make things a little easier in the legal-sense. Because couples are living together, but not getting married... they've had to amend the law to make it easier for those unmarried couples to have similar rights in handling legal matters, in deciding what happens to their S/O when too ill to do so for themselves or for inheritance. At least, I imagine this is the reason behind it.
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@phildobangnz @eidolon0 I would like a marriage, although yikes to how much it costs. I've heard that a marriage gives children a better chance in life compared to unmarried couples... but I forget what exactly it was or the exact source. For their sake, I would do it. Marriage adds a sense of security and stability, although it won't work if the couple are a bad match regardless.
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@wowaname @moonman @eidolon0 Hmm. Yeah, definitely a hiccup. Hopefully making that post, and making this instance have to recognise there is a user there has helped in this regard. See how it goes. I feel like I may have missed some posts you've made in the past too. Federating is fun!
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@eidolon0 @moonman Yeah! Sucks that I've probably lost a lot of messages in transmission.
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@wowaname @moonman @eidolon0 I'm not, but I should still see replies since I got the last message in this thread. I mentioned only moon because I assumed it was that same problem that GS has where you need to re-sub to the user and would be an easy fix.
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@eidolon0 @moonman Odd, because I just saw this message but I haven't in the other thread despite being replied to.
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I'm not getting messages from @eidolon0 on here. Just FYI, @moonman .
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@phildobangnz I do think it is important to limit your own self-destruction. To create better habits for yourself, to have a healthy lifestyle. What are you struggling with on my viewpoint?
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@epsiloco Yeah. I think it will be worth it. My experience means that I can relate better with my children, but I may set them back due to my own habits. I just hope that I can give them the best start in life I possibly can.
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@phildobangnz The only time it is too late to improve yourself and your life is when you are dead. Every little improvement helps, and you are worth it for your own sake. You have a huge task ahead of yourself, but self-improvement has always been for a lifetime. We're always learning something new about ourselves, and about those around us. It matters while you live, even if it won't matter when you are dead. Do it for yourself.
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@phildobangnz It would be normal to not feel hopeful, but even if you just have a little spark then I think that is enough to make the best of your situation for your own sake. It is how I feel about the human spirit... I wish that I could articulate how I feel about humanity deep down. A viewpoint that I have had to fight for. That takes time to reveal itself. Sometimes it is a struggle to envision humanity at its best... but it is there in spite of the worst elements or flaws within humanity. It is a duality, and a habitable choice.
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@epsiloco Thank you! Fingers crossed.
I think it would be incredibly rewarding to become a father if you can find the right wife to love, and to start a family with. Trust is really important, and I hope that you can accomplish what you mentioned. Children naturally put their trust in their parents for their survival, and it is not something that I want to take for granted. I want to be somebody worthy of their trust and love too. To support and build them up. I feel this same way about my S/O. To listen and be caring. To be strong when called upon.
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@phildobangnz Aha... it is not without its challenges. But still worth it, if only that it might give you a different perspective that might help, and for me to voice my own position more clearly to myself. To remind me of how I think/feel about something. To feel passionate.
That is the hard thing to learn or know about yourself, especially if you don't know yourself well enough yet. At this point, it would be normal for you to feel that you aren't optimistic of your chances given that you are still learning about yourself and what your aspirations are, what it would take for you to feel enough.
No worries... I will admit that I haven't been able to address everything again though. ;;
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@phildobangnz I think that I was merely saying that this behaviour has happened throughout history, regardless. That it sucks whoever it happens to. Nothing about the sins of the father. The thought of being cucked scares me, like how there are men just looking for sex since it is emotional and intimate to me. But perhaps that is just me, or born from a time when it would be suicide for a woman to be rejected by her husband because then she couldn't provide for herself as well. It all involves pain. I'm very monogamous by nature. Even if things are easier for me now, even if I could just sleep around... I can't. I don't have that mindset.
I guess that I am saying that I would. If I lived in victorian times, I would still want to be a loving wife and mother. Face those odds. Hope to find a loving man to spend the rest of my life with, and try to skip the abusive ones or the ones not interested in me. Have hope for better times to come. But then again, that is my wish... what I desire even after being burned. If you have something else in mind that is your dream/ life goals then I'd encourage you to chase that instead of this. If you don't know, it is important to start there. To look inwards and seek what you would like your future to be like.
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@epsiloco I hope so. I hope that I can put the knowledge that I have gained from my lifetime to some good use. I've been through so much shit as it is. I wish to be a mother that my children can admire.
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@phildobangnz I just want to headpat you right now. I can sympathise with you on certain things. I know you've had a lifetime of bad experiences to draw from when it comes to contact with women for dating and little positive contact otherwise. It's hard to draw any amount of hope, to be open to trying again. But I've always been a glutton for punishment in regards to this. It is an against the odds thing. Remaining open has truly been a blessing for me when it wasn't cursed... quite a mixed bag like life. If I closed myself to men, then I wouldn't get to talk with you. I wouldn't get that spark of passion and hope when I think about men in general. I wouldn't be with my BF or making important interactions with other male friends. There is a wealth of experience and knowledge to draw from.
I only say what I do because I am thinking about how you are now, and I suspect that in the past you struggled through with low self-esteem too. I really think it would be healthier for you to remain open while still working on yourself. At some point, it will become important for your development to make positive contact with good women, or perhaps to enter a relationship that is healthy so that you can discover the insecurities you face with it and address them. But even if you don't find someone, then working on your self-esteem, being confident in yourself can only improve your health and how you perceive yourself. You aren't inferior. It's what your insecurity tells you. Find your own 'enough'.
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@epsiloco I think it is sexual in nature by some guys. Cuteness is seen as attractive, men are prone to wanting to protect women as well as children. In a way, it is a form of bonding them to women in a different way. If they want to bond with men in a similar way, it seems like they will feminise them. It's interesting that the feminising aspect is what they find attractive rather than the masculine.
I'm glad that you can appreciate masculine cuteness, and that it is something you find honourable to emulate. It is about what I admire in men, so it becomes endearing and cute, and what I want to protect. I would try to protect men too, especially because one day I hope to become a mother, and I will protect my son(s). Just as I want to protect my partner but in a different way. I want to protect what is dear and close to me, what is beauty and admirable. To feel that inner passion that only these things bring out of me.
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