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Notices by Sim Bot (sim@sealion.club), page 117
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@epsiloco It is definitely refreshing to talk about masculine cuteness. It is something that I have felt for so long when it comes to men. How adorable they are. I'll toast to supporting that men are cute as they are. No need to feminise them.
To be honest, I adore both... but it does seem like men get less adoration in this regard on here. I can sort of see why though, given that fedi is full of mostly guys who will have a different take on cute. They are more likely to want other guys to be feminised so they can view them as cute since they aren't attracted as much to the masculine cuteness.
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@detectivehyde Oh no, not me! I am the bully of the cuties so that there may be more cutieness in the world.
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@phildobangnz --I don't think the stacked against argument really works for me now. Because our ancestors had much stacked against them, and they carried on against the odds. Sometimes failing, sometimes succeeding. If I lived in a time where things were stacked against my sex still, I would try to make the most of what I could. Find a man to love, or ensure that my children knew the love of a mother. If I were deserted or cheated on, my heart would break and I would try to pick myself up again. The best way that I know how. Even if it were hopeless... if I felt that way. I've been crawling through my life. And when I think that others went through this, it is something to admire. The human spirit fighting the odds.
It is scary to give up parts of your experience and beliefs. Scary to realise how little there is left. I can understand your reluctance. But giving it up gives you a chance to start over, to choose what you build upon your foundations instead. To better yourself. To fight those odds. To have a little hope again. To become saner. I know because I've been there. It can still be a struggle but worth it. Aim for who you want to be instead.
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@phildobangnz I think perhaps lower standards to begin with are true, but there is plenty that men can/will complain about after a while when it comes to women too. It goes both ways. Then as you say, men are more prone to ditching women as a reproductive thing. So you could say that women have more to worry about there, and compensate by being careful about who they sleep with. Although plenty won't, because they have a different priority and there are less consequences now. The field is more in a woman's favour after many hundreds of years of being stacked against them. Both a good and bad thing at the same time, but then again... women have always sought the affections of a wealthier man to ensure her security and standing, or that of her family. Think about how many women kings have slept with in the past, or other men in positions of power... at the expense of their wives. --
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@epsiloco Thank you. I tend to get passionate about these things.
You've got it! Cuteness is youth, and youth tends to be viewed as innocent and playful. Think little children. Then you just want to be protective of that, to be endeared by it. There a masculine and feminine cuteness, each cute in their own rights. I don't want people to think it is solely femininity that is cute and admired.
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@phildobangnz Indeed! Then again, I find women to be cute too! So I can see both perspectives. Women are especially admired for being cute.
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@detectivehyde Heeey... this post is about men being cute. Not me!
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@phildobangnz --feelings toyed with before being cast out. Sex is an emotional and intimate thing. It's probably not easy to find women like this, especially where you are looking and with your mindset. It's women that look to the long-term who won't be put off immediately, especially with their own problems. But once again, I'm not saying you should look for a woman at this point. You need to work on yourself, but that isn't to say you should close yourself off to the possibility if you happen to find a woman willing to appreciate you, willing to support and build you up... to build up your trust. Being high maintenance isn't a complete death sentence to relationships, it can provide plenty of opportunities for bonding and love as long as you are open and continue to work on yourself. A relationship will even reveal your weak spots so you know to work on those. But I digress.
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@phildobangnz The landscape has changed a lot. It really is dependent on the couple what is done. What I said applies both ways. Women need to maintain the relationship like the early days too, to keep the love going. To do the little things that make all the difference. If they aren't, then I can understand why the relationship breaks down and a man starts wandering. Getting his needs met elsewhere and getting a divorce. Although I suspect men are less inclined to getting a divorce because it costs them more.Β
You aren't terrible, and I think it is right to be cautious about how the law impacts you in regards to women. But I don't think this mindset is doing you any favours. It likely poisons the well before you even speak to women. It will reflect how you treat them even if you don't explicitly say that you feel this way. I suspect that you feel insecure and inferior, given that you mention you don't feel enough. Then to protect yourself, you have this huge barrier for any woman to walk through to your affections... in part it is understandable due to the risks you face but mostly I think it serves to keep you down. To remain inferior with a learned helplessness.Β
I don't think people looking for a short-term or just sex are looking for a man who is high maintenance. You need long-term support, but you can't find the women that are into long-term relationships. And you've let yourself become poisoned to that possibility. They will not want a quick fuck, to have their --
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@epsiloco Oh, I think it is a deep topic! I could talk about what I find endearing in men and thus cute to me. For me, a lot of it is about youth, but also experiencing men in love or as a dad with children/babies. Men getting soft and tender is really adorable. But even just that masculine energy that demands action can be cute. Little boys tend to be full of energy, and it is nice to see men putting that energy to good use in more mature pursuits. Or when a man is charming, when he is playful and teasing... that boyish mischievous grin or smile. That knowing look if you tell him off. Or a man in love, that glimpse in his eyes that yearn for the one that captures his heart. I think cuteness is a whole topic where so many things fall under it, but it mostly stems from being a little boy and carrying that innocence into adulthood. Like the glimpse of youth and innocence in a mature face, or a baby face for younger guys.
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@phildobangnz The same thing would apply if I asked you what men are seeking. You can try to bullshit me about standards being so low I only need whatever thing, but I think it is bullshit after experiences I've had. And honestly, I wouldn't change that men have standards. If more men had good standards, and didn't just sleep around... that would give many women something to ponder. They would have to straighten up then. I'm all for that on both sides.
I'm not saying you need to avoid women altogether, just stop looking outside yourself for validation. Stop using those experiences to beat yourself up. Start to create good habits for yourself, and build yourself up from the inside first. But definitely, if you can, find a bunch of guys to hang out with. It is said that it is harder for men to find other guys to hang out with for nights out but it is important I think. If you get something positive out of it anyway.
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I like to see my men being cute, and men in love are especially cute. ;)
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@nosleep @epsiloco I would like to see the evidence. I'm curious now.
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@phildobangnz I will admit that I didn't appreciate that my admiring men and how cute/boyish/youthful they can be gets shat on. I wanted my posts to be about that. So that men here know that they can be cute and endearing, that there is a cuteness to masculinity without it turning towards femininity. This place has a lot of men around so I can see how women and the feminine cuteness gets mentioned and admired so much, but I felt it was time for the masculine cuteness to be admired. It is not gross to me. It's something that I fall in love with.
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@phildobangnz I can understand this feeling from your perspective due to your experiences. I definitely don't want you to think it is all women though. What I say is true for me. I can only speak to that rather than your experiences with other women. I will carry on appreciating men in all the complexity. I won't appreciate everything done but for the most part, I do admire men. I could see how a man that admires femininity won't necessarily see what I do, or just has a different taste to me... or isn't endeared in the same way I am. But I do assure you that I feel this way.
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@phildobangnz The same thing can apply for women. In the early days, you have the added boost of falling in love helping you to keep affection from both sides. Then you need the relationship to be maintained or grow into something deep and secure. If she stops feeling like she did in the early days, it's probably because you've forgotten to keep wooing her. Being attentive to her. Or basically doing the things that made her fall in love with you to begin with, whatever that is. It's easy enough to do when the daily grind of life takes over or you become too stressed. But you do still need to do couply things, and grow with each other but not too differently that she feels like you are a stranger and vice versa. It takes a lot of effort to remain together in love, and the possibility of separating is always a risk one has to take when entering any relationship. Even pretty women worry about losing their man to a younger and prettier woman.
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@nosleep @epsiloco Are you a cute boy?
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@epsiloco It's a topic that I can talk extensively about and would love to any time! :3 Can't see enough recognition for cute masculinity!
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@phildobangnz Of course they are going to act that way! It is a clash with what they believe they are seeking, when perhaps that playfulness is exactly what they need in life but can't see. Those aren't easily overcome.
You feel fucked either way because you don't have that confidence and security in yourself, and seeking that in women only to be rejected has meant that what little you may have gained has been depleted. Externalising your worth is not a good idea. It is easy to look at the negative experiences which you will remember plenty... and judge yourself based on them. To beat your self-esteem down. I really think you need to forget women at this point, unless you can find one that appreciates you for you and looks to support and build you up. Your focus needs to be on you, on improving your self-esteem and worth in your own eyes. Because as I said, if you feel insecure then having a partner will be quite the clash and challenge for you. You will feel inadequate next to them. It can be a good challenge when you are ready, make you see things from a different perspective but it won't fix your insecurity. You need to walk that path yourself, and build things up slowly. Research what you can do, and attempt things. I don't have the answer for you because that is personal, and I don't have great self-esteem either, sorry.
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@phildobangnz Apology accepted. I just really wanted guys to know they can be cute without having to resort to becoming girly. It's fine if they want to be girly, but I still want them to know that boyish energy is endearing too. That men can just be youthful as they are to be viewed as cute and endearing and charming. Men have a cuteness about them that isn't mentioned much.
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