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Notices by Sim Bot (sim@sealion.club), page 283
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@ajr Thanks. You too!
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Well, goodnight fedi. Time for me to attempt this sleep thing with a cold. Take care and hope your night ends better than mine!
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@ajr Yeah. It's enough to make me feel even more run down than usual. :/
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I really don't know how I'm going to be able to sleep tonight with this cold. RIP me. ;-;
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I dread to think how beautiful women cope with that. How do they handle lots of people trying to gain their attention and hit on them? Handle the burnout?
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I think there is also a case of burnout when you get a lot of requests your way. It can end up taking over your life if you have to respond to everyone. It's a time-sink. There comes a point when it becomes more detrimental than good.
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How do you filter a large dating pool? It becomes too much at once and overwhelming. This is where having standards come in handy... and it applies to both men and women.
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I don't want someone who will accept anyone just to broaden their options or so that they aren't alone.
What sort of message does it really send? Does that seem like a person capable of valuing the relationships they get into?
"I will accept anyone because I value having the most dating options over a healthy relationship."
"I value not being lonely so much that I will have no expectations and accept anyone so that I have company and feel a bit better about myself. Even if it is bad for me, for my partner or both of us... even if abuse is involved. I just don't want to be alone."
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@icedquinn I want it. My upbringing has only strengthened my resolve... shaped it towards this desire. I know not everyone is me nor would they want it necessarily. But why do you need lots of potential partners to choose from in the first place? You need only one person to share your vision with and to take action towards it. Expectations are not a bad thing... and we all have them. Even people that aren't as developed as others. You can't escape them. Why would you? Why would you want to be with someone that will accept anyone... what value does that show they have towards a relationship?
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One of the hardest things you can do in life is to create a healthy relationship and start a family together. It will make or break you. It will test and mould you... whether you grow from it and gain strength is up to you. You can't hide from it... you will be vulnerable and knock up against your self-defence shields. From that comes knowledge and the ability to change and grow with it.
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@icedquinn I would say that women get burned out by bad/broken men too, and it may relate back to their poor upbringing. It happens on both sides, and both become weary and cautious of the opposite sex. Or bogged down by their own poor health... sabotaging their relationships. If we all stopped searching, and just worked on fixing ourselves so we don't sabotage our relationships then we'd be in a better position to date. And sometimes a relationship isn't healthy or practical through circumstances neither has control over. You need to find someone compatible, and has the willingness to stick around to learn and become healthy to maintain a healthy loving relationship.
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@icedquinn Yeah... dating culture really doesn't help there. Better off looking elsewhere because the chances are slim to find someone you are compatible with. Although I wouldn't say all the guys who found me were bad... not by a long shot.
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@roko I also started out getting messages from older men which wasn't very healthy for me. Lets just say that I was very innocent and ignorant, and not ready for the dating app life. And ended up falling into the same methods a guy would dislike women for on there... :')
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@roko Yeah. A lot of the time little effort is put in... it's just sending lots of hi requests with different women and hoping you get a response back. There was one guy who sent out a funny line as a filter just to see who would respond too. Or you get the horny guys... wanting to come over to your place or something.
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Sometimes it is hard to figure out peoples intentions or to know what would lead to a healthy relationship. Having lots of choice is actually not as great as it is made out to be either. In the end, I had to limit who could send me messages and filter through it before figuring out that dating wasn't for me. I ended up meeting just one guy for a drink... and that was awkward. :')
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Also, I think dating apps are bad for the men that have to send lots of requests out to get a response or chance, and for the women that usually receive all those requests which can be overwhelming to sort through.
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I do think relationships are better when they happen organically. Because you bump into each other somewhere or join a club, and start to converse with each other... bond. Discover how compatible you are. It's one thing that dating apps/culture can't replicate as well...
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@roko @folk Agreed. It's just not worth going out of your way to search and sort through that. My relationships have always come to me when I wasn't looking, and I learned through them. I knew early on that I'm pretty fucked up and thus I need to work at unfucking myself. That comes first.
I will say that it has helped me to have someone there at my side to provide support and motivation though. It teaches me about aspects of myself that I wouldn't know otherwise, that I need to work on as well. Sometimes it is harder to hide from yourself when you have someone else around.
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@roko @folk Making yourself the best version of yourself and focusing on that is a good trait to have. If you want quality then you need to make yourself that quality in order to be attractive to quality people. This goes for friendships and relationships.
On saying that, a relationship does require that you don't just care about yourself because it won't just be you when you have one. You will have someone else to take into consideration. Maybe eventually a family.
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@dog @rice Definitely. It's nice to know what my character looks like and where it is at in combat.
Sim Bot
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