Notices by bailey//rockruff⚪ (ctrlaltdog@chitter.xyz), page 37

neat bug

@monorail @Mottie hot take magic is boring if you're always playing against the same decks

i'm drawing both of my fretwork colonies way too often now. i'm pretty sure there are only 2 in the deck. weird

shoutout to the person who disabled both my fretwork colonies so i could just sit there and have my own creatures drain my life

@Mottie i'm in love with my cartouches and trials. they're so fun to play. especially with a couple additional creatures that also allow me to return permanents to my hand when played...

@monorail basically, just like any major change in one's life, it'll take time but it'll definitely start to feel a lot more normal than anything else, and you'll look back on it shocked at how positive an effect it had

kinda like moving to a new house. it may be bigger and better, but you gotta make new friends and find new places to hangout out and shop and eat and all that. and eventually it starts to become home, more than the previous place ever was.

@monorail there's an excitement at first, when it feels so obviously right to avoid your deadname and be called something else, something that better represents you.

then your new name starts to feel normal and you're wondering why there's a sudden drop in good feels. a little doubt occurs, but it still feels better than the alternative.

eventually it's all you hear, you're used to it, and it's all you can think of yourself as anymore. your deadname becomes a character, or slur.

@BearishMushroom sleep well gamer

@monorail it's tough stuff! you never 100% get rid of remembering your deadname. but there comes a time where you've been your actual self for so long that it's hard to associate the deadname with you anymore.

i've been getting to the point lately where it feels weird thinking about memories and NOT imagining the people in them calling me bailey instead of what they would've called me at the time

@Siphonay i use an ultrawide monitor with my pc (21:9) and my phone is 18:9 so 16:9 seems boxy to me now too :p

@Siphonay it actually looks pretty small to me now. i'm so used to 6" screens...

spending my afternoon laying in bed because my feet are still freezing even under the covers and i have very little energy/brainpower anyway

i've been snuggling up quite a lot lately to this build a bear husky i got from a thrift store ages ago, and i still haven't given it a name

@BearishMushroom nice!

@BearishMushroom have fun on your walk?

anyone got any idea what's going on or how i might be able to combat any of this?

a lot of the brain and temperature stuff have been around for a long time though nowhere near as bad, and aside from the specifically large armpit lump and the earlobe piercing gunk, everything else has been a problem for like a year plus

- a lot of small cuts on my body are taking forever to heal
- acne is coming back on neck, chest, back, and even on my genitals
- i almost always feel like i need to pee, but half the time i don't actually need to

i think that's the bulk of the symptoms that have been bugging me lately. they're all mostly minor inconveniences but they're all starting to pile up and make me feel like garbage, preventing me from taking care of myself properly.

- earlobes are getting infected, lump in one. need to clean studs of gunk daily
- dry itchy eyes, sneezing sometimes, itchy/runny nose, like allergies
- regularly getting strong headaches/brain fog where i can barely think or do anything
- balance is slightly off, especially while walking
- been feeling really dissociated and out of it all throughout the day and it's hard for anything to feel solidly real sometimes, possible psychosis?
- senses feel dulled

physical health symptoms i'm experiencing:
- lacking appetite
- significant weight loss
- fatigue
- cold feet and sometimes hands, the former getting so cold it can be outright painful even when under blankets
-legs often fall asleep and become extremely painful for several minutes requiring me to lay down and wait for it to pass
- lumps in armpit, one oval shaped and as long as a quarter, very tender, often sore
- joint pain in same arm as largest lump