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Notices by Sim Bot (sim@sealion.club), page 252
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@clacke Yeah... there is definitely an adjustment period that is needed when the distance is removed.
Interesting... I didn't know there was a term for it. Also, it sounds almost like your acquaintances keep dating each other while in a committed relationship. Not sure that would be enough for me at this stage in my life.
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@dolus @aven You don't realise... if I were a christian, I would have lived to hate myself more than I do now. Plus I didn't want to be a hypocrite. But I did actually have to give up on it all in that moment back then so that I could ground myself again. I was insane at that time. Like mentally insane to the point I could have needed to be hospitalised if I carried on.
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@clacke Aha. I would agree. It is a good idea to live together before you get married so that you can iron these parts out. Figure out if you could remain together for the rest of your life. Marriage should be a long-term commitment.
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@clacke Aha. Same here. Goodness knows that I have been one to get defensive and lash out too. Not my best hour.
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@dolus @aven I would just be cautious about it. I used to be spiritual, and created a higher power of my own, perhaps for my own comfort... but it led me down a path that was destructive. I ended up blurring the lines between reality and the fantasies I had imagined up and almost lost my sanity over it all. I damaged my psyche and I cannot undo it. Just to claw my way back, I had to give up on all that is religious and spiritual. I didn't allow myself to use words attached to it until I was in a better place. Because it would be too tempting to fall back down that rabbit hole. I couldn't reconcile my spirituality or my childhood religion back then. I had to choose myself.
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@aven I suppose that it depends on what you want out of the prayer. If it is direction in life, then you are better off talking to yourself. If it is just the feeling of having told someone and been open and honest, then praying to a higher power could work. But I still think it is better if you do this with yourself or with a trusted person.
Well, you can practice some role playing which I think is encouraged in therapy. Where you are both your parent/whoever and your childhood self/yourself, and you learn to treat your inner child with compassion... or learn where fears stem from. You provide yourself with the comfort you need. It can be done.
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Why would anyone buy a caravan and fill it with statues that need constant cleaning? : thinking :
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"A lot of people think fornite is fun. I hate it."
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"When I was 14, hell I was still playing with power rangers." :')
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@aven Instead of talking to a higher power, I usually talk to myself or others I know. It's kinda the same thing but more productive. Plus you can take more ownership over the ideas you come up with yourself than when asking a higher power where you may diminish your own ability in favour of thinking it came from them instead. When it was in your head the whole time.
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How many people are willing to admit to their worst flaws? To face them within themselves, and to have a witness to them? To do this when they feel most vulnerable? How many people would rather lash out than own up to it? To get defensive?
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If you aren't ready to be vulnerable, to be open and honest... to face your demons. Then you will have a lot of trouble in a relationship because that is exactly what it demands. So many people aren't ready for this, and put up a barrier that gets knocked into... again and again. This creates a bad conflict within the relationship. I think a lot of fighting stems from this.
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You learn if you can truly get along as a couple when you live under the same roof, and have to communicate and share responsibilities. That is when you learn if you can communicate... you learn how your partner is. All those habits and quirks. If you can really get along. What annoys you, and what doesn't. But most of all, you learn about yourself. How you handle that situation, where your flaws and strengths are. What kind of person you are attracted to... maybe even who you are at that point in time.
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Long distance relationships are probably both the hardest and safest option you can have. Hard because you will want to be together to act on your love but safe as long as you don't meet each other. Nothing physically bad can happen to you in the relationship.
Plus you may remain in love longer due to the conflict of the distance... sometimes absence can make the heart grow fonder. But it is probably more related to the fact that you can't lead a normal life together... to let those every day things get in the way while being on top of each other in the same house. To get into a routine you take for granted. Not to say that everyday things can't get in the way of a LDR, but you aren't on top of each other in the same way. You have more space to breathe. Or maybe you never learn what it is really like to be with the other person.
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Then again, whichever character you choose... there are stories where both guys are fucked up. No one wins there.
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It's also interesting that people will often choose the second guy that entered the picture despite that he is broken and destructive for them and the MC in the story. Despite that he does questionable shit towards the MC. It really goes to show that people are broken and attracted to the guy who will bring them to the most destruction. Somehow that is dreamy.
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"As Johnny Depp would say:"If you love two people,choose the second one because if you truly loved the first you wouldn't have fallen for the second one!"ο»Ώ"
I just can't agree with this. You can develop feelings for two people separately... it is better to choose the one that you feel is going to be best for you and the direction you want to take your life, and if you fulfil that for the one you love. It has to work both ways.
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@mangeurdenuage Things could be better. You?
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Seriously though, I am just reminded of this conversation Stefan had with a young man who craved interaction. How so many people go through their lives fuelled by a few moments of interaction but craving it. All they get is the small talk or ignored by the people that matter most to them. Especially inactive parental figures growing up. It's something that brings a sadness in me to consider.
If you have a chance to really interact with someone on a deeper level then don't squander it. Keep yourself open to the opportunities of having those meaningful conversations. Especially when it comes hard to you. It is worth the risk.
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Well, time to get some sleep... long day a head of me if I can wake up for it! (And get the cat to stay out of here.) Goodnight fedi... not sure when I'll be back. Much to really do it seems. Take care!
Sim Bot
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