Notices by bailey//rockruff⚪ (ctrlaltdog@chitter.xyz), page 146

tired: yelling
wired: barking

@maffsie awoo!!!

@somarasu it's already 1800 here...scary

"i thought you were a good person! i thought you were against oppression! but here you are, defending yourself against someone painting you as malicious and taking out their anger on you. why won't you just stop talking and let them yell at you?"

i also have a problem where i find it hard to step away from things but it's not physically impossible and it certainly doesn't excuse telling a poc to shut up and not defend himself when someone is being abusive

multiple people insisted that "you're only a good person if you do/say what i want you to" and holy fucking shit that is bad

yeah i am straight up annoyed with all the people who are enabling abuse right now. holy shit

if you don't look at yourself, your own actions, and think of whether you would actually enjoy hanging around/interacting with yourself, before judging how people react to you...you need to step back and stop insisting that everyone owes you their attention.

i've known a lot of people in my life who would always start off being angry at me, assuming i'm malicious, accusing me of being horrible and treating me like shit.

thing is, they get angrier when you "prove" to them that you're "not a good person" by not taking their shit and being angry at them right back. they instigated the anger, the distrust, "lack of respect", but they are of the opinion that they need to get it - and a lot of it - first, before reciprocating. if they even do.

@Mottie ah! nice word for it.

@maloki 'night!

@Mottie squish?

woke her up by yawning. oops

now she's snooze

she's in my spot but i don't wanna move her...

time for 🚗⚽

this becomes a little more complicated when weighing the lives of people against other people, in which case anyone causing a significant enough threat to others can often be worth ending (genocide, systemic oppression, etc), but...that's some philosophical debate shit that i am not getting into right now

and that's not to say labour/productivity is at all what anyone needs to be allowed to live and enjoy life. "success" is a fake idea where we feel like we need to accomplish some sort of bare minimum to deserve survival, among other things. we are not the sum of our work; we are the sum of our existence. simply living is enough to deserve to live.

labeling lives with specific values and even monetary figures is fucking absurd

we all deserve to live and enjoy life

i can muster up the extra energy i don't really have to be able to do things that will give me more energy. that's about it.

so yeah. basically, if work were more fulfilling and personally driven, society would have way fewer problems and would overall be more productive and friendly and just...easier to exist in and enjoy.

i can do chores and such around the house because it's a lot easier to operate in a setting where there's little/no manipulation, and where the only incentive is to take care of myself or others

often that kind of thing is still difficult for me. self care can be difficult. but it's a lot easier than working at a fast food joint, where my mh is impacted so strongly that i become unable to enjoy anything in between work, even when i have a whole week between shifts

for instance, i can't work. work forces me into a dissociative state where i'm pretty much just a husk. thanks to past abuse, a brain that doesn't quite function "normally", and constantly being fatigued and depressed and extremely anxious, i just can;t do most typical min wage jobs, and i don't have the ability to continue schooling to get a better job due to concentration issues.

meanwhile, even despite low energy and body pain, i can often clean and cook at home