Notices by Sam the Octopus (troublemoney@computerfairi.es), page 60

well this is a headline: "Jeremy Corbyn accuses Boris Johnson of breaking his promise by still being alive"

https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/general-election-jeremy-corbyn-boris-johnson-vote-mps-brexit-eu-a9175221.html

@noelle I'm pretty sure all the best guides on doing that have "ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE" written prominently at the top

sorry olly but the best youtube musical number today is BDG doing ska

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCEewyIE_0c

@mavica doing yoga

@mplouffe I know Japanese whiskys take after the Scottish tradition so I'd make a wild guess at them being more similar to those

@mavica able to squeeze into a pic-a-nic basket and... meditate? I don't know what yoga actually is

@garbados @jamey I think they might be trying to monetise peering agreements

so... how 'bout that ditch then boris?

@codl shush, we're trying to keep that bit quiet

it's just as well hedgehogs are cute

you'd be amazed and appalled by just how much shite can come out such a smol critter

@mavica *comes in with emergency octo-hugs and pets*

you're the best bun and you're lovely

@mavica basically a virgin bloody mary

there's a surfing lake opening in bristol soon (it's a lake with wave generators in it)

first thing to ride a wave there?

a swan

https://twitter.com/CarveMag/status/1185867018295304193

@twitter introducing Clapper 2.0!

the latest in IoT tech it connects to the internet and streams all the audio it hears to the cloud so it can listen for something that sounds like a clap

all the other audio data is deleted

honest

@trashyfins well, I have considered putting together some watches from parts kits so that's surprisingly not entirely out of the question

@trashyfins really

it's amazing how they're somehow able to get away with this

but the rolex fans are all just "but it's a rOleX!"

@trashyfins oh moreso

some Rolex ADs (authorised distributors) will try to get you to buy a bunch of the less popular models in order to give you a better placement on the waiting list for the watch you actually want

and these people actually go for that

@mavica I mean, being a watch nerd I see a lot of rich people bullshit around but this is just incredible

I... jesus fuck

https://old.reddit.com/r/rolex/comments/dlpl9m/i_finally_got_the_call/

Steel sports Rolex watches have incredibly long waiting lists to buy (because Rolex want to maintain their prices and have their watches be "exclusive" and they heavily limit the number they make)

So this guy made his local distributor a full commercial, for free, in the hopes of a chance of buying this from them at full price

This is everything that's wrong with Rolex fans right here