Notices by tethre (tethre@cybre.space), page 19

@SuzanEraslan

If I may add some other reminders:

1) seeking revenge on behalf of another means bringing their abuser back into their life. It's one of the worst things you can do.

2) You don't get to take someone's suffering and make it your personal vendetta. When people we love hurt it hurts us too, but NEVER as much as it hurt them. For me, it makes me feel like a vehicle for someone else's anger & violence.

In the first few months after my wife came out to me I spent a lot of time being constantly asked “are you going to stay together” so much so that it made me doubt myself. “Success” stories of ppl staying together through a transition and especially when they are married are still elusive to find so I like to be as visible as possible about it. It’s been near enough four years now & watching her become the woman she wanted to be has been an honour.

Maybe consider that the way you go about trying to get vengeance is actually re-traumatizing the people you are defending. Justice doesn't come just from believing victims, it comes from giving them back their agency and making them feel there are places and people who are safe.

They are the only ones who can decide how that happens and what that means.

(Boosts OK, but I'm really not interested in anyone defending the opposite point.)

Before you decide to go vigilante on someone who has traumatized a friend or acquaintance (or anyone), it's best to ask the victim what justice looks like to them.

After I was raped, the *worst* thing, and it happened over and over again, was when I told someone and they said, "I'm going to fucking kill him." It didn't make me feel taken care of-- it made me feel like even those I trusted were capable of horrible violence and unsafe.

POWER UP THE CRIME SIGIL

🔲 get gas cans & gas for a genny; even if you don't have one, someone else may have one to lend
🔲 find any saws you have, especially chainsaws; someone gotta clear all the fallen junk
🔲 do your laundry; bag it to keep dry if you like
🔲 charge yo' battery packs
🔲 find your friends that live near hospitals; they'll likely keep power, and you should convince them to have an open door to their buddies

This is post-Harvey & post-Ike advice, straight shootin'

(I feel a lot better when I can choose to not engage in the moment.)

It is wonderful how much CWs change the health of reading my feed.